on shadowing

i'm now in clinic for my last weeks of patient interaction of my medical student life. i'm definitely glad for any teaching i get because because i know i still have so much to learn. i just turned in my limited license application, and i'm starting to get scared about the responsibility that comes with signing "MD" after my name.

sometimes being a medical student is boring. depending on your team, you end up doing a good amount of observation and following people around. (sometimes i go on autopilot. i once followed a male intern into the bathroom by accident! i saw urinal, and i ran back the other way!) actually performing a history and physical myself is more exciting and usually more educational; however, i enjoy shadowing here and there because you have the opportunity to see how different physicians interact with their patients. you can observe their question-asking style and their rapport with patients. i'll often take their techniques on a test run to see how they work for me, and over time, i will hopefully develop my own style.

the other interesting part of observing is seeing how people change their personalities when it comes to dealing with patients. i have met some rather gruff old men who scared the living daylights out of me and the residents, but when we are at the bedside, i'll be amazed at the transformation. they're teddy bears! kindly grandfathers! i've also seen kind, nurturing mentors of mine snap and be dismissive towards a patient. is there a correlation between a person's normal personality and his or her professional one? i suppose anyone starting in a field has to shape their professional demeanor, and i'm beginning to wonder what mine will be. will i continue in my chatty, people-pleasing ways? or will i become authoritative? cynical? callous? i'm hoping the changes will be positive ones that will allow me to be efficient in the office without short changing my patients. we had a seminar in my second year about how medical training makes people lose their empathy. i've been trying to guard against it. let's hope it stays that way.